Being a Christian is hard...

This is a phrase that comes to my mind so often as I walk through this life. Being a Christian IS hard. Jesus was a hard act to follow, yet as a Christian I am called to model my life after His. That's hard. Jesus lived a life of sacrifice, total and complete. He literally died for what He loved, what He stood for, what He knew, for those that were by definition, infintely beneath Himself. Dying is hard. Sacrifice is hard. I am a selfish, manipulating, spiteful jerk. And it is tough as Hell to kill me, but that's what I have to do...

I haven't written in a while. Sadly (or, if you've read my other ramblings, perhaps happily) I have not felt like I have had something worth writing about in a while. Until now. (Or, until a while ago, but life get's in the way.) I have been meaning to start this for a while, after a specific event, but perhaps for more reasons then just that. Cyberspace is an interesting place. It is a place where I can speak with something of a purpose, while addressing both everyone and no one all at once. Maybe I am hoping that someone, somewhere will validate my struggles through reading them, or maybe even share in similar ones themselves. I think somewhere deep down, despite myself and what I KNOW, maybe I am looking for assurance of redemption through knowing that I am not the only one who struggles with following Jesus.

As I embark on my most current leg of my journey, I know without a doubt that this next year is going to be difficult as, more then ever before, I am going to be putting my belief in Jesus to the test and I am going to be asked to kill my self over and over in ever increasing voracity. My perceptions have already begun to change and expand as I see more of both myself, the world around me and Jesus. I have a lot of work to do and I pray that I will have the resolve to do it. That I will follow Jesus when I am asked to do it into places I have never gone before, both out of circumstance and, let's face it, choice. This will be an invitation to look into what those that seek Jesus have signed up for, as well as a record of what I hope will be my progression toward Jesus.

Death is hard enough to bring about, even harder when the muzzle is pointed at your self...